THE "BRITISH VALUES"
THOUGHT EXPERIMENT
Politicians tell us that anyone who subscribes to "British Values" is completely welcome. But what does that actually mean for Britain's future? Let's explore what happens when values are the only metric we care about.
"British Values" is the civic nationalist answer to immigration. The idea is simple: as long as someone believes in democracy, the rule of law, individual liberty, and mutual tolerance — they are just as British as you.
But here's the question nobody asks: If British Values are the only criteria, what would Britain actually look like?
Let's run some thought experiments. In each scenario, imagine every single person in Britain is replaced by people from a different culture or religion — but they all subscribe completely to "British Values."
What would you lose?
BRITAIN IF EVERYONE WAS
MUSLIM WITH BRITISH VALUES
Democracy? ✓ Rule of Law? ✓ Tolerance? ✓ But what's missing?
❌ What Britain Loses
- 🍺 No pubs. Alcohol is haram. The British pub tradition — gone.
- 🥓 No bacon or pork. Full English breakfast? History.
- 🐷 All meat is halal slaughtered. Animals killed without stunning.
- ⛪ No churches. No cathedral bells on Sunday morning.
- 🎄 No Christmas. No carols, no nativity scenes, no Christmas markets.
- 🐰 No Easter. No Easter eggs, no Good Friday, no Easter Sunday.
- ♟️ Chess discouraged. Historically forbidden by many Islamic scholars.
- 🐕 Dogs seen as unclean. A dog-owning nation transformed.
- 🎵 Music restricted. Many instruments forbidden in traditional Islam.
- 🎨 No representational art. Depicting humans or animals forbidden.
✓ What Britain Keeps
- 🗳️ Democracy (theoretically)
- ⚖️ Rule of law (but which law?)
- 🕊️ Individual liberty (for Muslims)
- 🤝 Tolerance (of other Muslims)
Remember: In this scenario, everyone holds "British Values." They believe in democracy. They follow the law. They're tolerant of different beliefs. But the cultural fabric of Britain — the traditions, the foods, the celebrations, the architecture, the social customs — all of it is gone.
BRITAIN IF EVERYONE WAS
HINDU WITH BRITISH VALUES
A vegetarian nation with different gods and different festivals.
❌ What Britain Loses
- 🥩 No beef. Cows are sacred. British beef industry — gone.
- 🍖 Vegetarianism dominates. Many Hindus are vegetarian.
- ⛪ No churches. Replaced with Hindu temples.
- 🎄 No Christmas. Diwali becomes the main celebration.
- 🐰 No Easter. Holi replaces spring festivals.
- ⚰️ No graveyards. Cremation by the river becomes standard.
- 💒 No church weddings. Multi-day Hindu ceremonies instead.
- 🎵 Different music. Bollywood replaces British pop.
✓ What Britain Keeps
- 🗳️ Democracy (India is democratic)
- ⚖️ Rule of law
- 🕊️ Individual liberty
- 🤝 Generally tolerant (but caste system?)
- 🍺 Pubs (alcohol not forbidden)
Note: Hindu Britain would be more compatible with some British traditions than Islamic Britain — pubs would survive, for example. But the religious landscape, festivals, food, and family traditions would be completely different. Britain would essentially be a northern extension of the Indian subcontinent.
BRITAIN IF EVERYONE WAS
PAKISTANI WITH BRITISH VALUES
The world's largest Pakistani diaspora becomes... everyone.
❌ What Britain Loses
- 🕌 Everything from Islamic Britain — Pakistan is 97% Muslim.
- 👰 Dating culture gone. Arranged marriages become the norm.
- 👨👩👧 Extended family living. Nuclear families replaced by clan structures.
- 👗 Different dress codes. Traditional Pakistani clothing dominates.
- 🏏 Cricket survives! But football becomes less important.
- 🗣️ Urdu influence. Language shift inevitable.
- 🎭 Different entertainment. Pakistani dramas replace British TV.
- 🏠 Different architecture. South Asian styles dominate.
✓ What Britain Keeps
- 🗳️ Democracy (Pakistan has elections)
- ⚖️ Rule of law (with Sharia influence?)
- 🕊️ Individual liberty (limited)
- 🤝 Tolerance (for other Pakistanis)
- 🍛 Great curries (already have those)
Reality check: Pakistani Britain combines Islamic religious restrictions with South Asian cultural practices. The result would be unrecognisable as Britain. Yet by the "British Values" test, everyone would be perfectly British.
BRITAIN IF EVERYONE WAS
GERMAN WITH BRITISH VALUES
The European comparison — still different.
❌ What Britain Loses
- ☕ Tea culture replaced. Coffee becomes dominant.
- 🍺 Beer, but different. Lager replaces ales and bitters.
- 🥘 Different food. Bratwurst, schnitzel, sauerkraut everywhere.
- ⚽ Still football! But German efficiency in playing it.
- 🎄 Christmas survives! But with German traditions (markets, glühwein).
- 😄 Different humour. British irony replaced by German directness.
- 🏠 Renting culture. Germans rent more than own.
- 🗣️ Language changes. Eventually German-influenced.
✓ What Britain Keeps
- 🗳️ Democracy (German democracy strong)
- ⚖️ Rule of law (Germans love rules)
- 🕊️ Individual liberty (with more rules)
- 🤝 Tolerance (modern Germany is tolerant)
- ⛪ Churches (Christian heritage)
- 🐕 Dogs (Germans love dogs)
- 🍺 Pubs (beer halls)
The European comparison: Even with another Western European, Christian nation, the cultural differences would be significant. German Britain would be more recognisable than Islamic or Hindu Britain — but it still wouldn't be Britain. Culture is not just values. It's traditions, humour, food, music, literature, architecture, and a thousand subtle customs built over centuries.
THE DEMOGRAPHIC REALITY
This isn't just a thought experiment. It's happening. Slowly, but surely.
The question is simple: Do you want your grandchildren to grow up in a Britain that looks like Scenario 1, 2, 3, or 4? Because if "British Values" is all that matters, and demographics continue on this path, one of these futures is coming. The only question is which blend.
SO WHAT'S THE ANSWER?
"British Values" is a civic nationalist cope. It's what politicians say when they want to sound patriotic without actually defending the nation. It reduces thousands of years of culture, tradition, and identity to four abstract principles that any nation could claim.
Real nations are more than values. They are a people, a history, a culture, a language, traditions, foods, music, humour, architecture, literature, and a shared sense of identity that cannot be learned from a citizenship test.
If we want Britain to remain Britain — not just a geographic region where people with "British Values" happen to live — we need more than civic nationalism. We need cultural nationalism at minimum. We need to defend our traditions, our way of life, and yes, our demographic future.
What Real Cultural Nationalism Looks Like
- ✓ Demographic certainty for the native population
- ✓ Clear cultural preferences — our traditions, our way of life
- ✓ Reducing multiculturalism over the long-term
- ✓ Immigration that doesn't change the character of Britain
- ✓ Preserving what makes us unique — not just "values"
- ✓ Pride in our culture without apologizing for it
A note on Reform UK: Like the Conservatives, Reform UK officially positions itself as a "British Values" party — civic nationalists who are fine with the scenarios above as long as everyone ticks the values boxes. They have no policies to address demographic change or defend British culture specifically. If you want more than civic nationalism, you'll need to make your support conditional.